The Effects of Parentification: Heavy Burdens on Small Shoulders

It would be unnatural to see a kid making dinner every night, rounding up their siblings before taking them to school, managing household finances, and comforting an anxious parent. This isn’t what we think of when we think about childhood, and it shouldn’t be.

Maturity is often admired in children, but there’s a cost when children take on adult responsibilities.

Parentification is a familial dynamic that occurs when a child takes on the roles of an adult. It often has lasting emotional, physical, and psychological effects. In this article, we’ll talk about the effects of parentification, including: 

• Causes
• Signs
• And how to heal from parentification

Effects of Parentification

Children are meant to play. They need the space to develop their emotional intelligence while taking on the needs of their parents. They are unable to fulfill their own needs.

The effects of parentification extend into adulthood. When children can’t develop important skills during childhood, they’ll feel the effects of parentification in adulthood.

Missing developmental milestones will have major effects on a person into adulthood. Replacing play time, hobbies, and peer relationships with adult responsibilities makes it nearly impossible for children to develop properly.

‍Related Articles: How an Abusive Childhood Affects Adult Relationships

Physical Effects

Adults who were parentified will likely struggle with stress, anxiety, and depression. Because they’re so used to taking care of people and neglecting their own needs, they’ll have a severe lack of self-care. 

Chronic stress, depression, and anxiety are known to increase the risk of developing physical health problems. Autoimmune disorders and heart problems are not uncommon for those with chronic stress issues.

Emotional Effects

Emotional development during childhood is crucial for emotional regulation and resilience.

People who were parentified will struggle with emotional regulation. However, some may seem emotionally distant. This is likely due to the years of having to act like an adult and doing hard things.

Mental Health Effects

Parentification is traumatizing. The mental health effects of this trauma can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and anxiety disorders. 

Having a secure attachment to their parents is important for children to feel safe and develop freely. Parentification hinders a secure attachment due to the emotional unavailability of the parent. 

They may also struggle with setting appropriate boundaries. They were raised in an environment where they had to take on responsibilities that will carry into adulthood.

Familial Effects

Parentification will have obvious effects on family dynamics. Parentified children will have difficulty asserting their needs, and the family unit won’t have healthy communication. This breakdown leads to a lot of familial conflict and will affect the child’s relationships into adulthood.

Family dynamics that produce parentification are typically characterized by enmeshment-when individuals lose their identity and instead the identity of the family takes precedence.

Over time, parentified children will no longer identify as their own person and instead only identify as their family.

Relational Effects

Family dynamics will shape people’s perceptions of relationships and how they act in relationships. 

Parentified children as adults may experience difficulties in relationships. They may unconsciously look for relationships and dynamics that replicate the familial dynamics of the past. That means they’ll continue the trauma cycle.

People who were parentified typically take on giving and caretaking roles in relationships. This makes them vulnerable to entering abusive relationships.

Related Article: What is the Fawning Trauma Response

Causes of Parentification

Something about what can cause parentification. Not always nefarious; it could be that the parent has a genuine need.

Parentification occurs when a child is forced to take on responsibilities that would otherwise be filled by an adult. These responsibilities include:

• Taking care of siblings

• Often preparing meals
• Regulating the emotions of adults
• Keeping dangerous secrets for the sake of the family's reputation
• Maintaining cleanliness and order within the home

Parentified children often take on these responsibilities because they need to. No one asked them to take them on; they are responsibilities that have to get done. However, in some instances, parents may intentionally place responsibilities onto children.

Parents whose children are parentified may have issues that cause them to be unable to fulfill those responsibilities. Parents with:

• Substance use disorders
• Physical disorders
• Mental health struggles

…are more likely to parentify their children. 

Signs You Were Parentified

It’s normal for kids to want to help out their parents. They can help clean up, help pack lunches, and even help their younger sibling get ready for bed. However, when children are the caretakers for their siblings or parents, that’s when issues start to arise.

If you think you’re experiencing the effects of parentification, you likely are. However, there are common experiences that could be signs of parentification. This includes:

• You feel you were never able to be a kid
• You carry the weight of your loved ones
• You are often the caretaker or giver in relationships
• You don’t like asking others for help

There are also childhood experiences that are signs of parentification, including:

• You had to provide for your family financially
• You cared for your parents’ physical needs
• Your parents were not present

Parentification trauma is a complex trauma, and it should be reprocessed with professional help.

Related Article: Intergenerational Trauma

Healing After Parentification

Being a child of parentification is traumatic and will cause problems throughout life. The good news is that people can heal from parentification. There is more awareness of this issue than ever before, and therapy options are more available as well.

Practice Self-Care

When you’ve lived through parentification, it won’t be natural for you to take care of yourself. However, this can be instrumental to healing and creating helpful mindful practices.

Self-care practices like…

• Making sleep a priority
• Eating healthy
• Exercise
• Yoga
• Reading
• Journaling

… each promote emotional resilience, improve physical health, and enhance quality of life.

When you start these practices, it will seem like a chore. You may even need to force yourself to do them. However, you’ll find that over time, these practices will help you regain your identity. 

Seek Therapy

Parentification is a trauma issue, and trauma is best approached with the help of a mental health professional. While in therapy, you’ll work with a therapist to work through the pain of parentification and develop healthy coping strategies to promote long-term healing.

Inner Balance Counseling offers counseling services for a wide range of mental health issues, and parentification is one of them. Whether you’d prefer to meet in person or online, we can help you work through your past hurts and come out the other side feeling better.

‍Contact Inner Balance Counseling to start feeling better.

‍Related Resource: Trauma Therapy