How an Abusive Childhood Affects Adult Relationships

Childhood abuse is a particularly traumatic experience that can affect someone throughout their entire life. Whether someone is aware of it or not, the trauma experienced during childhood can affect multiple aspects of their adult life. 

The inability to form and maintain healthy relationships is one way that childhood abuse persists into adulthood. Childhood abuse can create emotional scars that make it difficult for someone to have the loving and positive relationship that they want.

Understanding how childhood abuse affects adults can help them understand how it affects their relationships too. Let’s take a look at the signs of childhood abuse, how it affects relationships, and how someone can heal their childhood trauma.

How Does an Abusive Childhood Affect Adults?

Childhood abuse can affect nearly every aspect of someone’s adult life. Abuse at a young age often damages someone’s perception of themselves and others. This not only impacts their own wellbeing, but causes interpersonal struggles too. 

An abusive childhood can lead to several issues in adulthood. Some of the common issues include:

• Low self-esteem
• Difficulty with social interactions
• Trust issues
• Mental health disorders
• Attachment disorders

These issues can impair someone’s mental and emotional development and prevent them from living a healthy and fulfilling life. Childhood trauma creates lifelong struggles for the victim and makes it hard for them to connect with those around them. 

Childhood trauma can cause someone to be hyper independent. Read our related article for more information on hyper independence and what it looks like.

Signs of an Abusive Childhood in Adults

Childhood abuse comes in many different forms, whether it’s physical, psychological, or sexual abuse. Although childhood abuse affects everyone differently, it often manifests in similar unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. 

The common signs of childhood abuse in adults include:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Substance use disorder
• Difficulty managing emotions
• Low self-esteem
• Relationship issues

Different forms of abuse can also affect people differently. For example, psychological abuse makes someone more prone to depression, and physical abuse makes someone more prone to anxiety.

Signs of Childhood Neglect in Adults

Another form of childhood abuse is physical and emotional neglect. Childhood neglect occurs when a parent fails to meet their child’s needs. Physical neglect can include failing to provide adequate food, clothing, or a safe environment. Emotional neglect can include failing to provide attention, support, love, or validation.

Although the signs of childhood neglect overlap with the signs of childhood abuse, there are some signs that are unique to childhood neglect. The common signs of childhood neglect include:

• Heightened fear of rejection
• Increased sensitivity to stress
• Trust issues
• Insecure attachment styles

Adults that experienced emotional or physical neglect often struggle with setting boundaries as well. In fact, certain studies have shown that adults that were neglected as a child have difficulty with self-assertion. This makes it particularly difficult to establish and maintain healthy relationships with others.

Long-Term Abuse Effects: How Childhood Abuse Affects Adults Relationships

Childhood is a formative time when people learn how to communicate, interact with others, and form healthy bonds. When a child experiences abuse or neglect, it can severely impact their personal development and their ability to interact and connect with others.

The lingering effects of childhood abuse can be seen in adult relationships. Childhood abuse often leads to insecure attachments to others and unhealthy responses to trauma triggers. 

Read our related guide to discover how professional counseling can improve relationship issues.

Damaged Bonds: Insecure Attachment Styles

Attachment theory is the idea that someone’s relationship with their parents or primary caregivers has a direct impact on how they form future relationships. When a child is abused by their primary caregivers, it negatively shapes their perception of how a relationship should be. 

Childhood abuse victims often form insecure attachments to their friends and partners. The insecure attachment styles include:

• Anxious—prefers codependence and needs constant reassurance or attention
• Avoidant—prefers independence and lacks need for physical and emotional intimacy 
• Disorganized—alternates between anxious and avoidant attachments

Insecure attachment styles develop when a child has a damaged bond with their primary caregivers. This causes them to learn that relationships aren’t a safe place to freely express themselves or receive the love and support they need.

Read our attachment style series and learn more about subtypes of the avoidant attachment style: dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Trauma Responses

Childhood abuse also causes someone to experience long-lasting effects from their trauma. When a childhood abuse victim encounters a situation that reminds them of their trauma, they may respond similarly to how they did as a child. 

The five main types of trauma responses include:

• Fight—aggressive response to perceived threats
• Freeze—inability to react to perceived threats
• Flop—collapsing or fainting in response to perceived threats
• Flight—avoiding or running away from perceived threats
• Fawn—appeasing perceived threats

The fawn response is very common amongst childhood abuse victims. Someone who uses the fawn response will often dismiss their own needs to accommodate the needs of others. Also, they will have difficulty setting and enforcing their personal boundaries.

Read our related article for more information on the fawning trauma response.

Overcoming Childhood Trauma with a Trauma-Informed Approach to Therapy

Trauma therapy helps childhood abuse victims overcome their trauma and develop secure attachments with their loved ones. Professional therapists provide a safe and supportive environment for individuals to identify the root of their struggles and work through their trauma.

Individuals also learn how to cope with their trauma in a healthy way to improve their well being and strengthen their relationships. Trauma therapy helps child abuse victims set personal boundaries, form secure relationships, and learn how to trust others.

Read our related guide to learn everything you need to know about trauma therapy and its benefits.

Resolve Trauma and Heal Relationships at Inner Balance

At Inner Balance, we help individuals resolve their childhood trauma to improve their lives and strengthen their relationships. Our trauma-informed therapists are experts in providing the support and resources needed to overcome the burden of your trauma and live the life you always wanted. 

If you or a loved one is burdened by the lasting effects of childhood trauma, reach out to one of our mental health professionals today.