Codependency is a combination of compulsive behaviors that can create toxic or unhealthy relationships. It is often defined as a type of dysfunctional helping relationship style that is deeply rooted. 

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People often talk about codependency as a by-product of family systems where someone is addicted to drugs or alcohol. While this is common, codependency can also stem from other dysfunctional family systems. 

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What does codependency look like? 

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Codependency can feel isolating and shameful. Codependent individuals usually feel as if they do not fit in and have trouble in relationships. They often try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating.

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Those who struggle with codependency often also struggle with low self-esteem, perfectionism, control, fears of abandonment and problems coping with emotions.  

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When working with people who suffer from codependency, we help people find themselves again and experience freedom from their self-defeating behaviors. A lot of treatment is centered around healing your past and creating new healthy behaviors for your future.

How can I recognize signs of codependency? 

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There are five (5) patterns and/or characteristics of codependency. A person does not need to have all of them to be diagnosed with codependency. A person may exhibit or experience only a handful or many of the patterns listed below:

Denial patterns: 

• Struggle to identify what they are feeling and often minimize, alter, or deny feelings
• Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others
• Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation
• Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways
• Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted

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Low self esteem patterns:

• Have difficulty making decisions
• Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough
• Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile person
• Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than
• Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want
• Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries

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Control patterns:

• Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long
• Compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger
• Put aside their own interests in order to do what others want
• Are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings

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Compliance patterns: 

• Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others
• Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
• Freely offer advice and direction without being asked
• Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel

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Avoidance patterns: 

• Suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable
• Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance
• Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships
• Pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away
• Believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness