How to Rebuild Trust In a Relationship: Life After Betrayal

People in a romantic relationship, whether it be marriage or dating, are in a vulnerable place. They’re putting their trust in someone else, being open and intimate, and sharing the deepest part of themself. For an intimate relationship to work, partners need to trust one another. Not just in word, but in action. 

Sometimes, trust gets broken. They didn’t do what they said they would, you slipped up and shared information that should have been kept in confidence, and the biggest of them all: someone cheated.

All these issues could be considered breaches in trust, no matter how small. If not dealt with, breaches in trust will wreak havoc on your relationship and could spell the end.

How Do You Rebuild Trust in a Relationship?

When trust is broken completely, it’s hard to rebuild it. Maybe there was infidelity or a kind of hurt that is beyond the typical feud. It may feel like the relationship is over. How can it be recovered?

When a break in trust occurs, it can be rebuilt—but it has to happen as a couple. But there are ways to work to rebuild trust in a relationship.

Share The Details

Before you start sharing details, give your partner an idea of what the conversation will entail. If you are the offending party, tell your partner what you did. This is going to be a hard conversation, but getting all the information out in the open is important. Sharing these details is the first step in rebuilding trust, sharing these details shows your partner that you trust them.

Feel free to share details about what was going through your head before and after you breached your partner's trust. This will show them and yourself any areas of wrong thinking. Answer any questions they might have honestly, and take ownership of what you did.

Express Feelings

During these conversations, it may be easy to ignore any emotions being felt. The offended party especially might feel numb or bottle up their feelings. It’s important to process these feelings instead of stuffing or ignoring them.

For both partners, it’s important to express feelings. It’s going to be hard and there’ll probably be tears, but it’s important to get it out.

For the one wronged, take a break if you need. For the offender, be honest and include any resentments or hidden feelings you were experiencing before the incident.

Related Articles: How to Fix Communication in a Marriage

Revalidate Commitments

Expressing feelings, sharing pain, showing remorse and regret, and acknowledging pain has a healing quality to it. Getting feelings into the open is therapeutic and can improve your outlook on the situation.

Throughout your relationship it’s important to give clear expectations. This is especially critical after a breach of trust. It brings goals back into perspective and gives a good starting point to rebuild from.

Spend time talking through what the two of you want from your relationship and what you expect of your partner. You might think your expectations should be obvious, and in some cases they are. But voicing even the simplest expectations from your significant other can re-solidify the basic foundations of your marriage

Rebuilding Trust in a Relationship Together

It takes time to rebuild trust after it’s been broken. To do this, both people in the relationship need to open with one another and be patient through the process.

For the offended, it’s important to forgive. Living this out may be hard at times, but committing to forgive and not hold your partner’s past behavior over them will help rebuild the trust that was lost. Depending on the situation, this may take a long time.

Related Articles: How to Build Trust in a Marriage

Be Willing and Wanting to Change

For this process to be successful, both people in the relationship are open and wanting to rebuild the relationship. If someone within the relationship isn’t willing to continue the relationship, these steps are useless.

Being willing and open during the process means making a conscious decision to love each other by trying to forgive and be forgiven. This also means being open to self-growth and improvement. Words alone can’t fix a relationship, you’ll need to change and show you’ve changed in order to rebuild trust.

Attend Couples Counseling

During the throes of relationship difficulties, you might be tempted to think it’s only you and your partner. That’s not true. Outside help can be instrumental to saving your marriage or relationship.

Inner Balance Counseling offers couples counseling for couples trying to rebuild trust. Seeking counseling to provide help with communication, building trust, or setting healthy boundaries is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Request a consultation and start rebuilding trust today.

Related Articles: How to Get the Most Out of Couples Counseling, How to Prepare for Couples Counseling

Attend Individual Relationship Counseling

Often times, we have issues or concerns that we need to work on as an individual, separate from couples counseling. Individual relationship counseling can help you answer questions and work through thoughts and feelings that may not be ready to talk about with your partner.

Inner Balance offers individual counseling for any issue you want to work through. Couples counseling combined with individual counseling may be more beneficial to you in the long run. Reach out today to learn more about therapy for relationship issues.

Validate Commitment Through Deeds—Not Words

While rebuilding trust you’ll probably be making some claims that change will happen. Now's the time to show that. Stick to your word by doing what you said we were. Any promises made need to be fulfilled. This will have to happen overtime as you rebuild trust.

Signs of Broken Trust in A Relationship

Broken trust can sometimes be felt even before the issue is brought to light. Keeping consistent communication between partners will help maintain trust and keep relationships in a healthy space.

You may be able to catch problems before they blow up by watching out for these signs.

Signs of broken trust in a relationship:

• A need for control
• Withdrawal
• Outright refusal to talk
• Accusations

A Need For Control

If your partner is expressing a higher need to control you it could be because they don’t trust you or that they don’t feel confident in the relationship. A lack of trust like this can lead to resentment, jealousy, and at worst emotional trauma.

A controlling partner is a sign that trust in the relationship is breaking down.

Withdrawal

People in long-term relationships will relate to the times when both partners just aren’t “feeling it”. Relationships will ebb and flow naturally, but sudden or prolonged withdrawal could be a sign that trust is waning. 

Withdrawal could point to a bigger issue within a relationship. When partners shut down they could be feeling hurt or scared to be honest about their feelings or something they did. 

When one person in a relationship withdrawals, it’s easy for the other to follow suit. Feeling a partner turn away and close up is hard, and it may feel natural to do the same. However, keeping open communications and asking questions is important for the health of your relationship.

Outright Refusal To Talk

If your partner is refusing to talk open and honestly, the trust in your relationship is probably not there. They may be suspicious, hurt, or hiding something. If communication is non-existent in a relationship, it won’t last long.

Accusations

When accusations of being unfaithful begin getting thrown around you can be certain that trust is waning within the relationship. The partner making the accusation might not feel confident in the relationship or be experiencing resentment or jealousy.

When To End a Relationship

While working to rebuild a relationship you might be wondering if it’s all worth it. Maybe you’ve given it your best shot but something feels wrong. Maybe the offender repeats their betrayal. Maybe there’s no way for the relationship to survive the damage.

Breakups are never easy, but sometimes they are necessary. Here are some reasons you should consider ending a relationship:

• A complete unwillingness to communicate or change
• Aggressive behaviors; from yourself or your partner
• Different ideas of what the relationship should be
• The relationship has become toxic

If you have good reason to believe the relationship shouldn’t continue, then the relationship should be ended.

Rebuild at Inner Balance

Ending a long term relationship feels like the worst case scenario. In some conflicts, the end might feel like the only way. However, with counseling and hard work, your relationship could be saved. 

If you’re a couple looking for help as you work through conflict or rebuilding trust, Inner Balance Counseling can help rebuild with confidence and hope. We offer multiple counseling options for relationships of all kinds—for both individuals and couples.

‍Request a consultation today and start the rebuilding process.