Therapists use specific phrases to provide a safe space, free from judgement and accusations. Clients can put names on actions and emotions they may not have known before. As much as the understanding of these specific words and phrases have been helpful in creating understanding, we’ve seen a rise in people that weaponize it.

“Therapy Speak” is a way to talk about weaponized words that come from the spread of these safe words by people who don’t go to therapy or use them intentionally to mistreat others. People use therapy speak to make it seem like they’re an authority on mental health. In reality, they’re misusing these words to manipulate and abuse others.

Common Therapy Speak

While there are a lot of ways someone can misuse the words we use in therapy, there seems to be a few common words that are more commonly used nefariously.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a very specific abuse and manipulation tactic that causes the victim to doubt their own reality. People often misuse it to mean that someone disagreed with them. 

Boundaries

Healthy boundaries describe behaviors that you’ll tolerate. If someone crosses them, you’re allowed to remove yourself from that situation or that relationship. People misuse it to dictate what someone else is allowed to do. Telling someone they can’t do something is not a boundary, it’s control.

Narcissism

Narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder. It describes someone who manipulates others to get what they want, and is not empathetic. Someone using therapy speak might call someone acting selfishly or not people pleasing a narcissist.

Combatting Therapy Speak

Even if someone doesn’t use therapy speak to intentionally manipulate, the effects can be the same. Focus on what you’re feeling rather than labeling the experience. The words will come as you talk things out. 

One common way to do this is using “I statements.” For example, instead of saying “you’re gaslighting me,” say, “I remember it differently, and I find it frustrating when we fight about what happened.”

Look for nuance. Instead of going straight to saying that selfish behaviors are narcissistic, take a moment to think about what led up to that, what they could be experiencing, or if they even know that you’re hurt by your actions.

Remember that intent doesn’t carry the same weight as impact. Even if you had good intentions or really thought you were correct in how you say something, that doesn’t matter if it hurts that person. Labelling people is harmful no matter the intentions behind it.

Find Your Voice At Inner Balance

We want to help you say the right things—not just to avoid using therapy speak, but how to respond to someone who is. We believe that education about mental health topics is a vital piece of healing. 

Reach out today to get started on your journey.